Now that I am newly freed from the fetters of a traditional “Review,” I’m going to celebrate by giving you my unique blend of impressions on that Untitled Goose Game. Sit back, relax, and enjoy as I take you on a windy, irreverent tour of my thoughts pertaining to gooses in general, being a goose, and that game about a very special, horrible goose.
One Lonely Goose in Suburbia
They prefer to be called “gooses,” so no, I’m not getting the plural wrong. While grammarians of the English language insist on calling them “geese” in America, at least the Canadians seem to know better.
How do I know this? Because they told me. I mean, I know to most everyone else it sounds like HONK! HONK! HONK! but to me, the gooses express themselves with different varieties of honks and head bobs and wing flapping—just like your Goose does in the Untitled Goose Game. I submit that the Goose is just misunderstood, or even not understood—at all. By any of the idiot humans in the game.
Looked at from this perspective, the Untitled Goose Game takes on the framework of an existential crisis of loneliness and HONKING! for attention. One lone goose, trying to communicate with the only other inhabitants of its world.
You see, gooses nearly always travel in groups. Some people call these “gaggles,” but like “geese,” I have firsthand knowledge that the gooses do not prefer that term either. Within goose culture, gooses flock in pairs, families, houses, and even clans. Once or twice a year, they will cross vast swathes of land to hold conventions, where several families, houses, and clans will gather together to discuss the most crucial issues of the world today in goose culture. Such meetings will often be presided over by a noble white goose pair, such as our protagonist in the Untitled Goose Game.
So now you know that you’re not playing through just any goose’s life, but rather that of a noble goose. Think about that for a moment.
Gooses are Noble Creatures
Gooses possess a level of civilization that rivals and may even exceed our own. I have already offered you the briefest glimpse of their culture rankings, gatherings, and social structures. Concepts such as territoriality, respect for station and authority, and even lifelong monogamy are all inherent concepts inside goose culture.
When, for example, these fine birds are gathered for one of those important meetings that I mentioned, you will see various members of each family, house, and clan, make overtures at each other with HONKS! and wing flapping. They may even joust for honor, lowering their heads and charging(!) one another for clan rights or to settle familial disputes.
It is very reminiscent of Arthurian legends in of its chivalry and pageantry. Yet, most people recognize none of this—much to the consternation of the gooses. For example, it is right and proper for a human being to offer bread when seeking acknowledgment from a goose, and yet how many of the humans in the Untitled Goose Game do so? After such an offering has been received, one may attempt to treat with the goose. The goose will HONK! and you are expected to HONK! back, of course. It will then bob its head in its way, and you are expected to do the same, for goose communication is every bit as complex and evolved as the English language.
Then, if you have performed the ritual honoring and offering properly, the goose may be willing to hear you. However, you should know that sometimes, you’re just stumbling into something more important than whatever human baggage you’ve brought to the court. So, you may be ignored.
You Cannot Ignore the Goose
This dynamic does not work both ways. Turn your back on a goose, and see what happens. You are likely to be, at the very least, HONKED! at for your rudeness and insolence. However, it is far more likely that the goose may even goose you, which involves a pinch from its beak, or steal your keys, radio, sandwich, pumpkin, or anything else it can get a hold of.
So, the Untitled Goose Game puts us in the feathery role of one lonely noble goose, separate from the rest of its kind, left to deal with the dullards of humanity who go about their lives inside the goose’s territory, ignoring it at every turn with every fiber of their being. This goose HONKS! and flaps and steals and charges, and does all that a goose may, and yet, none of them appear to be any wiser.
The saving grace of this game is that, after you abandon any hope of being understood, you may, in your own goosey way, carve out a livable existence among these dimwitted people, putting together a picnic for yourself, redecorating the neighborhood, and making sure that the gardener stays consistently wet. After all, a too dry goose is an unhappy goose.
You are free to make the most of your life as one solitary goose in a world that seems doomed to misunderstand your efforts at every turn. I, and the gooses of the world, strongly encourage you to make the most of this opportunity, one HONK! at a time.